What about me

Love unconditional

Acceptance 

Understanding 

Looking for it in places it can't be found

Only offered with conditions

Expectations 

Theirs not mine

Fit the mold

Do what they think is right

Don't even try to understand my reasons

my whys 

Still being broken 

Still being wounded 

Ones I'm supposed to trust

To count on

Can't be

Don't I even matter

My hurts

My heart

My mind

Move on

faith?

faith

trust

believe 

i do

i don't 

i want to

help my unbelief 

words earnestly spoken

heart's cry

help me trust You

help me have faith in You

help me to believe You

i want to

more than anything

want to trust You

with my life

with my heart

with my deepest desires

help my unbelief

The shadow

Divorce creates an emptiness... A void

There was someone there

Then there is not. 

Trying to find someone to fill the void. Who will fit? 

I try one or the other. 

No. 

No.

Try to ignore it. 

Try to pretty it up with things, friends.

Doesn't change it. 

Still an empty place. 

Like a shadow. 

Following me around. 

Never letting me forget. 

Alone. 

Empty.

Once Again

Once Again
          I tried to fill the empty space with something else.

Once Again
          I didn't look to You

Once Again
          I have tears and sadness

Once Again
          I see my need for You

Once Again
           I cry out for You to fill me

Once Again
           You remind me of Your Presence

Once Again
          You remind me of Your Love

Once Again
          You are there

Here we are.... Once Again

Moment of weakness

Loneliness making me weak
Making me turn to you

I'm looking for something...
Asking you for something...

You don't even respond
You only want what you want
No care for me - my needs - my heart

Breaking again,
Feelings of worthlessness

But no...

Those are lies

I can stop this cycle
It's in my power to say no

This is not my story

My Searching Heart

Where is home?

A place to land
A place to feel safe
A place to feel loved
A place to feel accepted

Always searching...

Home in my Father
Resting in His Peace
Learning His Love
Learning His Depth

then the doubts, the fears, the loneliness come and cause my heart to search once again.

Trust - Faith

Come to Me
Piece by Piece - Restoration

Restless Heart - when will you allow yourself to heal?

Chaos to Beauty...

the chaos in my life
has been a badge I've worn
though I have been torn
I will not be moved...
Natalie Grant

This song hit me in a different way this morning.

the chaos in my life
has been a badge I've worn

I've worn the mess, the ugliness, the chaos in my life as a badge...
I've earned it.
I've been through hell.

Lost what my life was
Lost friends
Lost myself

I've cried.
I've talked about it
I've grieved
I've mourned

Time to see the beauty.
Time to see me.

The joy
The free spirit
The future I have

What is God up to in my life?

the adventure awaits...

Time to move on.