Let go and let God...what?

I have to do my presentation and bring a devotional tomorrow in my Teaching Methods class. I thought I would try out what I want to say here for the devotional.

I get a lot of email devotionals. Some I read, some stay in my inbox until I delete them. Friday, I decided to read a couple of them. There was a theme going on...

First devotional from Proverbs31 Ministries.
The Scripture was, "Then David continued, 'Be strong and courageous and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the temple of the Lord is finished correctly.'"
I Chronicles 28:20 (NLT)

Second Devotional was from Anne Graham Lotz:
Scripture was: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. 2 Thessalonians 3:10, NKJV

Third devotional was from TAG (Thinking about God)

Scripture was: "For nothing is impossible with God" Luke 1:37

What I got out of it was that first of all, I have to buckle down. I have 3 projects to do for school that are due in the next month. I have got to focus on that. Second, God is going to be with me every step of the way. He wants me here and wants me to learn and He will enable me as long as I keep connected to Him. I can't let other things distract me from His will. That's one of the reasons I'm not on Facebook. Huge distraction! What's strange is I really don't miss it much. LOL!

I have to "Let go and let God"! I've heard that all my life and now I get it.

Let go of fear and let God work in my life.
Let go of meaningless and let God bring meaning.
Let go of self and let God be Lord of my life.
Let go of my will and let God do His in me.
Let go of my ideas of who I should be and let God mold me.

God speaks

I remember God speaking to me as a child.

One experience that is special to me is when I was 9-10 years old. We lived about a mile or so from a mental hospital. (Surprisingly enough, my parents never brought me there!) Once in a while, a patient would escape and come to our house. I remember this one patient asking my dad if he could use the phone and of course, he didn’t. What I mainly remember about this man was an afro!

Later that night as I was in my bed, I heard noises. I looked at my window and thought I saw the shadow of that afro. It was probably a tree, but nonetheless, I was scared. I prayed and God brought a Scripture reference to mind. It was John 3:8. I got up quickly, grabbed a craft had done with a paper plate, turned it over and wrote down the reference. Rushed back in the bed and I was able to sleep after that. That morning, I got up and looked up the verse. “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.". I believe that was God telling me that it was just the wind that I heard.

How important is it to tell children that God can speak to them? Very!! It doesn't matter the age. Just imagine what our children could do if they learned that God wants to talk to them and show them things. All they have to do is listen for His voice.

As I was typing this, I just thought that I don't think I've ever told my boys that story. Why is it such a novel thought to me to tell my boys my testimony? We're taught to tell other people, but never think of those other people as our family. It's always a stranger or maybe a friend.

Hmmm...I think I know what we can talk about at dinner!

BTW, please pray for me as I put together my presentations for school. That's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. LOL! But thinking about my subjects for my presentations is stirring up some ideas and old memories too. Good things, but I want to focus on the presentations. The creative part of me wants to see where this leads, but the practical part of me is needing to keep focus on school. Ack!

Life on God's Terms

This past Sunday, our Discipleship Pastor spoke on being a disciple of Christ. It's been a subject that has been preached and spoken about for a while at our church. Something clicked with me when he read Romans 8:1-11

In the Message Bible, that passage is titled, "The Solution is Life on God's Terms".

Why is it so hard to live life on God's Terms?

For me, some of it is fear, but I think a lot of it is selfishness. I like my life as it is and I don't necessarily want Him changing it. Because, you know that if you try life on God's terms, He may ask you to do something or give up something you don't want to.

I don't want to give up my freedom...my time...my money...my time...

No, that isn't a typo, I said time twice. I like being able to do things whenever I want to. Having days free...

Wait, free? Freedom? But what is true freedom? Ok, yeah, I know!! I know! *sigh*
Living life on God's terms.

Look at the passage, verses 5-11

^5-8Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them—living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life. Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God. Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God. That person ignores who God is and what he is doing. And God isn't pleased at being ignored.

^9-11But if God himself has taken up residence in your life, you can hardly be thinking more of yourself than of him. Anyone, of course, who has not welcomed this invisible but clearly present God, the Spirit of Christ, won't know what we're talking about. But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells—even though you still experience all the limitations of sin—you yourself experience life on God's terms. It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!

Ok, so focusing on us and what we want leads to an empty, dead life, but focusing on God brings life and freedom.

When we give up something, God will replace it with life.

We have to let go of ourselves so that our arms are open and ready to receive what God has for us.

Another way to think about God's Spirit in us.
Yesterday, as I was sitting in class thinking I'd be taking my turn making my presentation, I began to get nervous. Then, I began thinking of this passage. God's Spirit is in me. If I am being led by the Spirit and working in the Spirit, then what do I have to fear? I may not have the charisma of some of the pastors in my class, but I have the same Holy Spirit they do. He just works in different ways in my life. I have a different calling. Not called to be a pastor, but a minister to children and families. Isn't it so awesome to think how God can develop and mold each one of us into people He can use and work through?

I know this was kinda long. I mainly wrote this to work it out in my mind. I hope it made some sense.

I'm praying that I will be open to what God wants to do in my life. I feel like I'm opening little by little and so thankful that God works it all out in His time because you know it's perfect.

Wow...It's always awesome to look back and see where God has taken you. I wouldn't have thought a year ago that I would be in seminary. I knew I wanted to, but didn't seem possible. I was worried about money, time and other things, but God made it happen.

I don't know exactly where this journey will lead me. I'm learning a lot already. God is stretching me...which is a good thing. I had gotten really comfortable in my box. I can't wait to see where I am in a year.

My biggest struggle is not wasting my time and not giving away my time. I tend to waste time on the computer or tv. Stupid stuff like that. I'm so bad about giving away my time to things that are good, but things I don't need to do.

I'm stressed this week.
Today is school.
Tomorrow I work with Vicki and have eye doctor appointments for me and Devan. Plus, Jon wants to work on the Homecoming float so he can be on it.
Wednesday, I help at church.
Thursday...That's my day that I need for school and home. It usually doesn't work out that way.
Friday I sub. (It's gotten to where I hate subbing...HATE IT! But need the money to pay for school.)

And! Devan wants to go to the doctor for a sore throat. I just think it's allergies, but he's had it for a week. I don't want him to think it's not important to me...but I think he does.

Oh...and 42 bags to be painted for Kairos a week from Wednesday...

Oh, Father...please show me what I need to do and let go of what I don't need.
Help me not to feel guilt, but to feel free to do Your will for me.
Show me Your path
Show me Your perfect will for me.
My heart is to please you, but the need to please others sometimes overpowers it.
Please send your peace...your love
And please please please help my sleep past 3am tonight. It's been 2 nights in a row and I'm so tired.
I love you...
I need you desparately!

A New Season

I'm starting a new season. I will add student to my list of duties. I'm really excited about learning and growing. Though, not looking forward to papers and presentations. But, I know it's all a part of getting outside of my box and more into what God wants for me.

This is also going to be a time of learning to totally depend on God. I can't do it all. I'm a wife, mom, student, substitute teacher and Wednesday night director at church. Oh, and as of last night, room mom in Jon's class. Totally didn't expect that. But there are some pretty awesome moms in the class too, so it's not all on me.

I was telling a friend yesterday that I need to get some of the fluff out of my life. It's really time to buckle down and not waste time. I had started off last summer thinking that I would be just subbing some and helping out at the schools this school year, but you know things never turn out like you thought.

I thought school would come in January, but nope, it's now.
I thought I'd be starting out as Wednesday night director in January, but nope, it's now.

I feel I have a lot going on, but also feel that I'm right in His will. So, I know that whatever God gives me to do, He will give me the strength and power to do.

1 Chronicles 16:11
Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

2 Chronicles 16:9
For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

The Power of Choice

Last night was a good night. I am now the director of our Wednesday night children's program. I came early to help with whatever needed doing.

So not to make this post long and boring, I will just say there were a few opportunities for me to really let my thoughts to break me down. Silly mistakes, but since I worry so much about people's approval, they could have become really big in my mind. But, I didn't let that happen. I laughed at myself and moved on. A HUGE step for me last night!! Funny thing is that the instances that happened weren't ones that anyone saw. Just me, but it's so easy for me to break myself down over the little things.

I came home feeling that I had more confidence in myself. I'm so glad I have this opportunity to serve and to learn. I am a part of a great ministry and I'm looking forward to growing with them!

Bottom line is I had a choice to allow myself to break down or just laugh it off and continue. For the first time in a while, I made the right choice!

Scaredy Cat

Why am I so afraid to move forward into what God has for me?

I'm afraid I won't measure up to someone else's standards.

God led me to put together curriculum for a daycamp that was held last month at our church. It was such a cool thing to just experience God working through me. It just flowed beautifully, as only He can do it. That week came and I had such an attack of insecurity and anxiety. I wasn't able to enjoy it at all! I wanted so much to get approval from people that I let it steal any joy, any blessing, I could have received that week.

That kinda threw me into a downward spiral. Didn't want to leave the house, disconnected a bit. It was a tough month for me.

Hindsight is 20/20. What I see now is that satan wanted to steal the joy and blessing from me and he knew how to do it. INSECURITY

I didn't do it right
I look stupid
I'm an idiot
They don't like me.

I should know by now that when God calls me to do something, He will equip me.
When He calls me, it's because He believes in me. He knows me. (Psalm 139)

He loves me!

I have GOT to stop looking at people for approval or acceptance. It's only His that I need. Besides, I have an absolutely wonderful husband that loves me and has put up with me for 18 1/2 years. Parents that support and believe in me, Friends that do the same. I am so blessed.
If someone doesn't like me or whatever...that's what I should say...WHATEVER! LOL!

I've been reading Beth Moore's book, So Long Insecurity, and it's helped me see a lot. I'm hoping that next time, I'll be prepared a bit more.

On another note: I sent off my application for Seminary today. We'll see what happens!!

Living up to my name

I'm having one of those days where the songs I listen to and the shows I watch have a theme. Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer and a couple songs on the radio as I was taking Devan to band all had the theme of healing.

If you know me even the least little bit, you know how my insecurity hinders me. Last month I have fought it and sometimes let it win. I don't know where it came from or when it started. I just know it's time for some victory. My name, Nicole, means "victory of the people". One time I had a pin that had my name on it that said "Victorious Heart" on it.

I have these moments of victory, but they don't last. I don't know if it's tied up in not being as consistent as I need to be in my walk with God or something that needs to be dealt with or maybe both...I don't know.

I just know that I'm tired of it. Is this to be a thorn in my side like Paul had? Is it something I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life or is this is a place where I can have victory?

I wish I could get away for a day or two, even a few hours and just sit with God.
I know that this is a good place to be, desperate for a touch, a word from God.

Please pray for me as I seek Him.

Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue North